I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
