You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
