i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
