I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
