dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
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Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
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I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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