I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
