Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
