If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
