Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
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When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
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Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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