as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
