R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
