I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
