You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
