the condom got lost in my hair
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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