Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
