I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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