Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just cut my nipple shaving
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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