why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
How's work?
Spinning.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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