She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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