paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
