just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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