i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
