Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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