Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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