It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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