420 ftw
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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