omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
