Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
