So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
