Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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