Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
