I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
