She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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