I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
