my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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