Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
