Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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