$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
