I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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