There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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