I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
