You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
