i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
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I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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