You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
