I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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