high people should be assigned attendants
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
