just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
