Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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