just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
