you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
