U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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