just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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