Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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