id be glad to
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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