it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
