i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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