I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
