i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
