Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
